10 Ways to Make the Most of Broken Relationships

Janet Chester Bly

 Broken Relationships and 10 Ways to Cope by Janet Chester Bly

I certainly know about broken relationships. Selina and I met at a home Bible study. We enjoyed digging deeper into discussions. After meetings, we talked for hours at a local restaurant. Fondness grew as we discovered common interests. Watching meteor showers. Singing in the choir.

Small irritations surfaced. But the friendship remained steady. However, when Selina joined an outspoken political group, the relationship strained. We discussed the group’s issues. Selina’s convictions intensified. Our conversations sometimes heated to a boiling point. I didn’t feel as strongly about the controversy as she did.

One day her group petitioned to recall the city council. She knocked on my door. “You are signing the petition, aren’t you?” she said.

I struggled. Should I stand with my own convictions? Or do anything to make peace with my friend, to fix the relationship? I chose honesty. “I’m sorry,” I finally replied. “I don’t think that’s the way to handle the problem.”

Selina stomped away and our friendship withered. I attempted a note and a call or two in hopes of reconciling, but got no reply. We entered the landfill of broken relationships.

This is the ideal, our highest spiritual goal: “that with one heart and mouth you may glorify the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ” (Romans 15:6). How good and pleasant it is when brothers and sisters live together in unity! (Psalm 133:1-3).

But we all struggle to cope with broken relationships. Often we want to know how to fix a relationship. Here’s what I’ve learned in dealing with Selina and others during that time when the cold war between us seems unending.

10 Ways to Make the Most of Broken Relationships

1. Don’t withdraw from all relationships. Because of the disappointment and pain, it’s tempting to stay away from closeness with anyone.

2. Use discretion when talking to others about the details. Explain without bad-mouthing your former friend. Keep your story simple and as two-sided as possible. Leave an opening for healing the rift.

3. Pray for your former friend. Want God’s best in his or her life, his protection and provision. Include third party casualties caught in the crossfire.

4. Try to see their side (Matthew 7:3,4). Motivation for reconciling quickens when we understand their point of view, even if we don’t fully agree. I found out Selina was most upset because I refused to attend any of her meetings or listen to other spokespersons.

5. Practice loving deeds. A friendly smile when you pass. Kindly thoughts when you remember.  Don’t rehearse the bad scenes. Send a card for special events. Watch for opportunity for peaceful exchange.

FIND AND SEEK

6. Find an objective, mature listener. To talk through hurt feelings. Who will help you sort out the situation. Be honest. Be specific. Listen to yourself, what you’re saying, how it spews out.

7. Seek new activities. Something fresh, apart from what you shared together.

8. Don’t cling. Give the relationship space. Give your friend freedom to not include you.

9. Give it time. Work through the awkwardness of the new normal, step by step. The relationship may never be the same.

10. Don’t rejoice at their misfortunes. Send a “I hurt too” message, however you can. Practice simple social etiquette.

… adapted from Friends Forever: The Art of Lifetime Relationships …Click here: https://www.blybooks.com/product_category/inspirational-family-life/page/2/

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    What other suggestion do you have for making the most of broken relationships?

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  TWEETABLES:

10 Ways to Make the Most of Broken Relationships: https://www.blybooks.com/blog/

Friends Forever: The Art of Lifetime Relationships …Click here: https://www.blybooks.com/product_category/inspirational-family-life/page/2/

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For more inspiration for working on broken relationships check out the More To Life Magazine blog: http://mtlmagazine.com/the-art-of-lifetime-relationships/ where Janet Chester Bly is a guest blogger

Other articles on parenting, marriage, and broken relationships on Janet’s Free Stuff page: https://www.blybooks.com/free-stuff/

Check out blog article on relationships, “How To Love Cantankerous People” at Upgrade With Dawn Wilson http://www.upgradewithdawn.com/blog/2014/7/24/how-to-love-cantankerous-people.html

Friends Forever: The Art of Lifetime Relationships by Janet Bly