Square Dance
Square Dance Date by Samantha Aldridge
On a sunny afternoon in Dodge City Newly O’Brien tended to odds and ends at his gunsmith shop. As he organized items behind his gun counter, schoolmarm Merry Florene marched through the front door. “Hey, Newly,” she called.
“Merry, what can I do for you?”
The barefoot hillbilly girl leaned over the gun counter. “Mr. Newly, I don’t want to be too forward but there is gonna be this here square dance at the ole’ livery stable in town on Saturday night and I was wonderin’, would y’all like to go with me?”
Newly stopped his work to stare. “Merry Florene, you are being too forward.”
“Oh, I’m sorry, Mr. Newly. I guess that means you won’t go with me to the square dance.”
“Now, I didn’t say that. I just said you were being too forward.”
Her eyes lit up. “Oh, Mr. Newly. Does that mean you will go with me?”
“Yes, I will take you to the square dance.”
“Oh, Mr. Newly, you made me the happiest girl in all of Dodge City.” Merry Florene ran around the counter and gave the
Actor Buck Taylor
Mr. Newly O’Brien
gunsmith a huge bear hug. “I can’t wait to tell everyone we is goin’ sparkin’!”
“Whoa, wait. I just said I would go with you to the square dance. I didn’t say anything about sparkin’.”
“Mr. Newly, y’all don’t have to be shy.” She hugged his shoulders and gave him a long, passionate kiss.
At that moment, Deputy Festus Haggen walked onto the boardwalk outside and yelled, “Don’t worry about me, Matthew. I got everything under control in the jail. I’ll see you, Doc, and Miss Kitty at the Long Branch after I visit Newly some.”
Newly quickly broke away from Merry. “You’ve got to hide!” he said.
“What for?”
“Festus will tease me for sure.” Newly looked around. “Quick! He’s at the door!”
“I know. I’ll duck behind the gun counter. I won’t make a sound. He’ll never know I’m here.” She dipped out of sight.
Actress Lane Bradbury
Merry Florene on “Gunsmoke”
Newly was careful not to step on the girl with her back against the gun counter facing Newly’s legs and feet. The front door opened, the bell above rang, and Festus barged in. Newly kept his hands on top the counter as he leaned forward to maintain his balance.
“Newly, I was wondering,” Festus began, “if you would take a look at my revolver here. Lately, the trigger’s been stickin’ whenever I fire the blasted thing.”
As Newly grabbed Festus’ pistol, he leaned back towards the shelves on the wall. He carefully stretched his left leg as he rested the heel of his boot on the floor by Merry Florene. He balanced on his right leg. Then he emptied the revolver cylinder of bullets and examined the gun.
“You happen to see Merry Florene today by chance?” Festus asked.
“Merry Florene? What made you ask if I had seen her today?”
“Well, I saw her earlier and she had a real big smile on her face. She mentioned she came to town to see you. So I reckoned she may have stopped in here.”
“As a matter of fact, she did come in, right before you did.” Newly continued to examine the revolver.
“Yeah, she said she was a hankerin’ to ask if you would go with her to the big square dance.” Festus got his ornery hillbilly grin on his face. “I’d say she was fixin’ to go sparkin’ with you.”
“No one said anything about ‘sparkin’.”
“Now, Newly, you know how some girls can be when they have their sights set on a man. They’ll do anything to catch someone
Gunsmoke TV show
like yourself to go a sparkin’ then get him flat-footed so he can’t run off. They drag him to the altar in front of a minister. Before ya’ know it, both you and Merry Florene will be chasing around after a bunch of youngins’.”
Newly glared. “Now hold on there, Festus.”
Merry Florene stifled a giggle, grabbed Newly’s left foot with both hands and yanked the boot off. Startled, Newly jumped.
“What’s goin’ on?” Festus asked. “You got a look on your face like you might have been yanked right off your feet.”
“You could say that.” Newly dropped his left foot and stood a bit lop-sided.
“Is there somethin’ wrong?”
“No, Festus. My foot just fell asleep is all.” Newly tried to feel around on the floor with his left foot for his boot but Merry had a firm hold on it. He tried to find the stolen boot as his big toe stretched over the floor.
“Sounds to me like you might need to give your feet a rest for awhile and sit down for a spell,” replied Festus.
“You’re probably right. I’ll do that after I get your gun fixed.”
As Newly worked on Festus’ revolver, Merry grabbed his right foot. Newly shifted his weight as he hopped to keep his balance. Merry yanked his right boot off his foot and shoved it out of reach.
“You sure your feet are feeling alright, Newly?” asked the deputy.
“Yeah, Festus, I guess my foot is no longer asleep.”
“Well, good. Now, Newly, it was like I’ve been a sayin’. Y’all have to look out for those hillbilly girls. They mean well but they’re lookin’ to trap themselves a good man if they can. And it’s no secret Merry Florene has had her eye on you for quite some time now.”
Actor Buck Taylor
2011
“Is that so?” Newly took a closer look at the trigger and hammer.
“Yeah, that is so. Why, have I ever told you about the time my cousin Beau Haggen got trapped into marriage by a girl named Betty Lou?”
“No, I can’t say you ever have.” Newly shook as he wondered what the ornery hillbilly girl was going to do to him next.
“Well, I’ll tell ya’ what happened. It all started when Beau began sparkin’ this girl. She was a fine lookin’ young woman but she did have kind of buck teeth whenever she would smile.”
“Buck teeth?”
“Yeah, she had the biggest set of buck teeth you ever seen on a girl.” As Festus continued describing Betty Lou’s buck teeth, Merry Florene made her next move. She grabbed Newly’s right socked-foot and tickled it. The gunsmith roared with laughter as he tried to shake his leg from the surprisingly strong grip.
“Well, Newly, she did look pretty funny when you think about it. With those huge buck teeth, she looked like a big beaver every time she had a grin on her face.”
“I-I-I imagine she did, Festus. Ha-ha-ha!” Newly hurried to fix Festus’ revolver to get the deputy on his way.
“I can tell ya’ though, Newly, that Beau didn’t have a chance against Betty Lou when she set her sights on him. She stalked Beau day and night until she waited for the right moment. One day Beau walked into a mud puddle and got his feet stuck. Betty Lou grabbed one of his hands and yanked him right out of his boots. She never let go and drug him off flat-footed to a preacher. Beau had no choice but to leave his boots sticking in the mud. Then the next thing you know, ole’ Beau is walkin’ around bare foot as he and Betty Lou are chasing around after more youngins’ than they knowed what to do with.”
Newly looked down at the flirty girl tickling his right socked-foot silly. He held the revolver out to Festus as he struggled not to laugh. “I-I’ve fixed your revolver.”
“Is that so? Well, let me see.”
Newly tried to hand the gun to Festus but he had his back against the wall and the shelves from making room for Merry Florene. He could not reach close enough.
“Newly, ya’ll need to come closer,” Festus said. “I can’t hardly reach the revolver from here.”
Newly realized he would have to walk around the gun counter. He tried to casually yank his right foot out of Merry Florene’s
Actress Lane Bradbury
hand. His sock partially pulled off and hung from his toes with the top barely covering his heel. He reluctantly walked around the gun counter in front of the deputy. “Here ya’ go, Festus. The hammer on the revolver was just sticking was all.”
Festus gently grabbed the gun and held it into the light to get a better look. “Well, Newly, I think you may be right.” He aimed the revolver into the air and pulled the trigger. It instantly clicked the firing mechanism of the unloaded gun. He looked down to put the revolver back into his holster. “Gosh, Newly, I guess your feet must really be botherin’ you. I see you got yourself out of your boots and are walkin’ around flat-footed already.”
“You could say that for sure.”
Merry Florene lost her composure and let out a giggle.
Festus looked up. “Newly, did you hear that?”
“Hear what?”
“It sounded like giggling.” Festus peered at the gun counter
Newly grabbed Festus by his arm and walked him to the front door. “Must be coming from outside the shop. I hear people giggling and talking through the front window all the time.”
“Perhaps you’re right.” Festus opened the door. “I’ll see you later at the Long Branch.”
Newly nudged Festus out the door. “I’ll see ya’ in a little while.” Newly closed the door and breathed a heavy sigh of relief. He walked over to the counter and gently grabbed Merry Florene. He lifted her up to stand on her bare feet.
“Oh, Mr. Newly,” she said. “We sure pulled a fast one on Mr. Festus.”
“We sure did.” Newly tried to look stern at the girl. “What were you thinking? You could have given both of us away.”
“I’m sorry, but it was sure a lot of fun.” She broke out in a laugh.
“A lot of fun? If Festus found out, he would have a field day catchin’ us together like this.”
“Well, I’m sorry, Mr. Newly.” Her face turned sad. “I guess this means you won’t take me to the square dance.”
“I didn’t say that.”
“Does that mean you will take me?”
“Yes, I’ll still take you to the square dance.”
Merry Florene hugged the gunsmith. “Oh, Mr. Newly, y’all made me the happiest girl in all of Dodge.” She looked into his eyes. “What can we do now?”
Newly thought a moment and said, “Well, we are now alone here in the shop and you do have me caught flat-footed.”
“Mr. Newly, does that mean that y’all will let me go huggin’ and kissin’ on ya and we can go sparkin’?”
“I didn’t say anything about goin’ sparkin’.” He hugged the girl back.
“Oh, Mr. Newly!” Merry Florene rubbed her feet against his. After a passionate kiss, Merry said. “Mr. Newly?”
“Yes, Merry Florene?”
“Would y’all mind if I pulled your socks off your feet?” asked Merry Florene.
“What for?”
“Well, I just love to see you smile and hear you laugh and now that I know y’all is ticklish, I’ll get to make you smile and laugh whenever I want to.” She bent down towards Newly’s feet.
“Now, Merry Florene. You make me smile—” Newly hobbled on his left socked-foot as she captured his right. “What are you—?” She tickled and stroked the sole of his foot with her index finger. He let out a loud “Ha-ha-ha! S-S-S-Stop! Ha-ha-ha!”
With a huge grin, she said, “Oh, Mr. Newly, y’all are so very ticklish!”
Newly hobbled on his left foot as she gripped his right. “M-M-M-Merry Florene! Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
Merry Florene grabbed the white toe portion of Newly’s right-footed sock and yanked it off. He was now in hysterics.
“Oh, Mr. Newly, I just love to see y’all so happy!”
“Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!”
At that moment, Festus rushed back into the shop and analyzed the scene. “Well tarnation! I could hear you all the way down the street. I thought you might be in trouble. It sounded like you were shrieking in agony. But instead I catch you flat-footed with Merry Florene.” A huge smile broke over his face. “Ya’ see there, Newly? I told ya’ first you and Merry Florene would be sparkin’.”
“F-F-F-Festus!” Newly managed to pull his bare foot out of the girl’s grip.
“Hi, Mr. Festus.” Merry Florene stared at the deputy.
“It looks like I caught you young lovers red-handed.”
“Now, Festus.” Newly tried to think of an explanation.
The girl in bare feet with hands together swung back and forth. “Mr. Newly makes me so happy.” She hugged him tight. “And he’s taking me to the square dance too.”
“There ain’t no denyin’ it,” Festus replied. “I caught you ‘sparkin’ and flat-footed with Merry Florene. You know what the next thing is.”
“Now, Festus!”
Merry Florene stroked the toes of her bare feet against Newly’s feet.
“Alright, Festus, you had your fun.” Newly faced the deputy while Merry Florene played footsies with him.
“Newly, you’re right. I’ll let you two lovebirds be.” Festus gave Merry Florene an ornery smile and walked out.
Newly frowned with frustration as the girl hugged him.
“Oh, Mr. Newly, isn’t Mr. Festus just a hoot?”
“Yeah, Festus is a real hoot alright.”
“Why, Mr. Newly. Why y’all so sad? Didn’t y’all have fun with me?”
She looked so anxious he gave a big smile to lift her spirits. “Yes, I always have fun with you.”
“Oh, that’s good. Would y’all mind if we did some more huggin’ and kissin’?”
Marshal Matt Dillon & Miss Kitty
Newly thought about it. How could there be any more harm? He would already be teased without mercy by Doc, Miss Kitty, and Marshal Dillon. “You sure now got me caught flat-footed.” He stretched as he wiggled his toes.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~
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