Are You a Home Manager?
You can tell spiritual maturity by how a person manages their family. When family life becomes unmanageable, something’s wrong. A measure of control should be expected. Your home management style indicates possible readiness for spiritual leadership in the church and other areas of ministry.
But how do you manage a family? Is there a checkup guide to see how you’re doing? Every family functions differently, so I can only give examples from my own family life. Maybe you’ll find some insights for yours too.
Management Checkup List
~~ Protection from the elements
“Therefore, everyone who hears these words of mine and puts them into practice is like a wise man who builds his house upon the rock. The rain came down, the streams rose, and the winds blew and beat against the house, yet it did not fall because it had its foundations on the rock” (Matthew 7:24,25).
It’s smart to build a house on a strong foundation. That has spiritual as well as practical applications.
One wet spring the elements got close to our tri-level house after the snow melted. Water seeped into the basement in wife Janet’s office. So, I dug next to the wall and slapped water seal and putty on the side of the concrete. Then, I built an eight-foot veranda over-hang to keep water away from that side of the house. I was in the middle of writing a book, but I spent several days digging in mud to provide protection.
~~ Safety from harm
Mark 3:27, “No man can enter a strong man’s house and carry off his possessions unless he ties up the strong man.”
Try to do whatever it takes to make each family member feel safe. That may look different in every neighborhood.
Growing up in the boonies most of my life, I don’t know if our house even had a lock on the door. When we first moved to Idaho, we weren’t too concerned about locks either. But we had two problems. The wind blew the door open in the night at times. And more than fifty mentally and physically handicapped folks lived in a halfway home in our town. Sometimes they’d wander away and roam into your house, which could be disconcerting. So, to make our house safe, I trusted God completely and locked the door at night. In fact, when I began to travel a lot, I installed deadbolts on both doors.
~~ Provide nourishment, clothing, and also good gifts.
Matthew 7:9-11, “Which of you if your son asks for bread will give him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish will give him a snake? If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask him!”
Our suburban has clocked many miles. Our TV set was given to us. But we have half a beef in the freezer most all year long. I enjoy providing for my family. And I like giving fun, special gifts. We went on a boat cruise and had a great time with our 17-year-old son, Aaron. But it was cool and breezy, so he slipped on a sweatshirt I bought him with the inscription University of Zimbabwe. He loves it because for many years Aaron joked about going to Zimbabwe some day. A good gift for him.
~~ Manage to make home a place of peace for the soul and spirit.
Jesus said in Luke 10:5, “When you enter a house, first say, ‘Peace to this house.’ If a man of peace is there, your peace will rest on him; if not, it will return to you.”
Aaron has a good friend in high school named Mathu who knows he can come over most any night. He can just show up and say, “Hi, I’m here.” That has a lot to do with my acceptance in saying, “Hey, that’s fine. No problem.”
But even though it seems we’re stuck in an idyllic place, it can get confusing around our house. Our phone tends to ring all the time and sometimes people stop by to visit us from all over the country. They’re pop-in guests to talk with us and see our place. We added something this year that helps.
We had built on top our livery stable garage a long, narrow bunkhouse. It’s our get-away, a quiet space with no TV, phone, no interruptions. If either Janet or I are in the bunkhouse, we’re gone. Aaron uses the bunkhouse too for overnighters for his friends. One time Janet used the bunkhouse for a women’s retreat that didn’t bother me or Aaron. We also use it for private chats with friends, afternoon naps, personal devotionals or sequestered blocks of writing times. It’s a place of peace.
~~ Each family member needs encouragement and support.
1 Corinthians 13:4-7, “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrong. Love does note delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.”
Encourage those in your family to become the people God wants them to be and discover what He wants them to do. Church can help, but home should be the prime environment for discovering God’s will.
Here’s what I did for my wife Janet. After a several year search for God’s will for me, in June 1974 I graduated from seminary to become a pastor. Riding home from her last day on the job and beginning her new ministry as a pastor’s wife, she suddenly realized she didn’t know what was expected of her.
She came to me and asked, “What do you think God wants me to do?” I replied, “That’s easy. Do stuff for me and stuff for the church.” She said, “Well, I’d like a more specific job description.”
That began a long search which she chronicles in her book, Managing Your Restless Search/Finding Your Place of Service in God’s Plan. I encouraged her to try all kinds of activities and ventures in the church and community.
Then one day a friend handed her a brochure about a Mount Hermon Christian Writers Conference in California. She thought that would be fun to try. However, it would be during Easter week, one of the busiest times for me as a pastor. “Well, I guess I shouldn’t go, huh?” she said.
I insisted she go.
“I’ll take care of things here, including the boys. You see if that’s for you or not.” That was the routine the first year and several years following. I wanted to give her an opportunity to try, to allow her to explore an area that might be part of her spiritual gifts. I remember telling her, “Yeah, you can go, but don’t get me involved. I have no interest in writing.”
After she established a writer’s office in our bedroom, she tried a little writing of short articles and poems with some modest publishing success. Then, one day after transcribing one of my sermons, she said, “You know, some of what you say here is pretty good. This parable would make a short story, if you’d let me clean it up a little, straighten the English some. Can I send it to a magazine publisher?” “Sure,” I said and repeated, “As long as it doesn’t involve me. I’m not interested in writing.”
So, she sent samples. A few months later in December 1976, I picked up some thin envelopes in the mailbox. At the time, I didn’t know writers liked thin envelopes. Thick ones meant the manuscript had been returned, rejected. I opened the mail addressed to me. Inside I found a couple checks. I looked at them and said, “I like writing.” And I have been writing ever since.
~~ Home should provide an environment of healthy growth.
Paul said in 1 Corinthians 13:11, “When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me.”
A home environment managed well produces maturity in physical growth.
We play a lot of basketball at our house though our property’s on a hill. It slopes some with no level ground. The basketball post is a ponderosa pine tree. The hoop comes out of that tree at the prescribed ten feet from the dirt and gravel that makes up the court. We experience adventures in dribbling on our court. We play great family games there.
But also, we aim for intellectual growth too. You don’t have to be a writer to provide a good library for your family to read good books. At last count, our home library added up to 3,000 titles on the floor-to-ceiling shelves in our two offices. We try to provide opportunities for our children to push their intellect. We also discuss a lot of things at our house, including sports and politics. And we’re very opinionated on both. Hardly anything happens in the world that we don’t talk about as a family.
~~ Manage discipline and responsibility.
Hebrews 12:11, “No discipline seems pleasant at the time, but painful. Later on, however, it produces a harvest of righteousness and peace for those who have been trained by it.”
When peace seems to be lacking in your home, try opportunities for training in discipline. We’ve had rules for the way we did things through the years. When the boys were younger, sometimes they’d say, “Well, at so-and-so’s house we can do this or that.”
We’d explain it to them this way. Our property is our country. This is Bly country here and the rules are different. Like when you travel to a foreign country, their rules are okay for them. But when you step on this property, we try to have everybody understand and follow our rules.
When you manager your family well, you continue to teach your children at each age level more discipline and responsibility.
Here’s something we’d never done before. We sent our 17-year-old, Aaron, by himself on a plane to a two-week Summit Ministries Christian leadership conference in Colorado Springs. Off he went. He had to make his own way around an airport and introduce himself to new people, etc. We were shocked at how well he did.
The first time he called us he told us they’d had an inspection of their rooms every morning. They got graded for beds and cleanliness and such. “Dad, we got second place at 2.9 points. The winner got 3.0 but we’ll do better tomorrow.”
I couldn’t help think of his messy room upstairs at home. They stirred him to discipline and responsibility.
~~ Provide environment for knowing God.
Joshua 24:15, “But as for me and my household, we will serve the Lord.”
One of the great joys and delights of that verse for me, Joshua could speak for the household. He could say, “I’m going to set a standard, a tone for the whole household. I’m not just talking about me but about my children, my wife, and my servants. This is going to be a godly home.”
One thing we try to do is have a prayer and devotional time. It’s very simple, not fancy or complicated, but as steady and regular as we can. Every morning before Aaron goes to school we try to do a reading from the Scripture. Each year it’s a different translation to try to see it all fresh and new again. This year we used passages out of The Message to start our day.
I encourage dads to take leadership in this area. Every morning I let my son hear me praying for him after we finish breakfast, read the scripture, and he’s leaving for school. I want the last thing he hears is me praying to the Lord about him. Your time of devotion may look quite different. Find what works for you.
~~ Emphasize a life of faith.
Ephesians 6:4, “Fathers, do not exasperate your children; instead, bring them up in the training and instruction of the Lord.”
I’m convinced that the best spiritual training and instruction happens at home. Sunday School is a wonderful supplement. Instruction can come as you talk about what being a Christian means to you. But your daily example demonstrates what you really believe. One of the hardest things for a parent is admitting a mistake and asking forgiveness.
One evening I attended a city council meeting at 7:00. As I walked out the door, I reminded Aaron to get started on his homework. Now, this son tends to be faithful with homework and is a 4.0 student. And he never missed a day of school. But he likes to push off homework to 10:00 or 11:00 at night, which is too late. So, I nudged him to get started earlier.
So, off I go to the city council meeting to deal with something like sludge removal. When I returned home, Aaron passed by going up the stairs. “Do you have your homework done?” I asked. “I haven’t begun yet,” he said.
I followed him up the stairway. “I’m tired of you being so sleepy in the mornings from staying up so late at night. Do your homework when I tell you.” I gave him the whole lecture.
Meanwhile, downstairs I kept hearing, “Steve, Steve …” Janet tried to get my attention. I finished my reprimand and marched down the stairs. “Take it easy on Aaron. He and I have been talking the past two hours. He had some trouble at school. We’ve been able to talk some things through and it’s been good.”
So, I plodded what seemed like thirty miles back to his room and apologized for blowing up like that.
~~ An effective home manager shows sacrificial love.
Ephesians 5:25, “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her.”
One day a couple of door-to-door vacuum salesmen appeared at our house. They offered Janet to clean carpets in a couple rooms to demonstrate their product. She liked that deal. So, she picked out the rooms and they chose a day to come. She looked forward to clean carpets for the price of hearing their spiel.
But then, a very needy friend with a difficult situation called. She told Janet she really needed to talk to her. “How about Thursday?” she said, the same day of the carpet cleaning appointment. Janet told me of the complication. “How long are the vacuum salesmen going to be here?” I asked. “They said only a half-hour or so,” she replied. I figured I could take a break that long from my writing, oversee the demonstration, then scoot them out the door.
Janet visited her friend. Meanwhile, the vacuum guys stayed over two hours and wouldn’t leave. When Janet returned, I fully related all the details of what I endured for her.
Managing a Home Costs Something
Sacrificial love means giving something up you really want for someone you love. I wanted two hours to sit at the computer and write. But I really did give it up without hesitation because I knew the importance for Janet to be with this gal.
In the home that’s managed well, you need some central elements like the above. A well-managed home symbolizes how a spiritual life grows, through intention and discipline. You’ll never succeed if you try to work on your walk with God and neglect your home life. The Apostle Paul says, “First, have a well-managed home” (1 Timothy 3:5).
Stephen Bly
Circa 1997
Family Protection & Provision Image by Tumisu, please consider ☕ Thank you! 🤗 from Pixabay
Managing Flooded House Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
You Can Do It Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
Healthy Growing Plants Image by Joe Alfaraby from Pixabay
Family Togetherness Photo by Patricia Prudente on Unsplash
Layered Hands Photo by Ricardo Moura on Unsplash
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Home Manager AUDIO PODCAST
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Managing Your Restless Search by Janet Chester Bly
Managing Your Restless Search
Are you searching to find your place of service in God’s plan? Check out this book, Managing Your Restless Search, by Janet Chester Bly.
When you feel this nagging restlessness, the need to be and do more for God, find help to know how and where to begin. Discover more about yourself and your gifts. Learn ways to sharpen your abilities so you can serve people more effectively. Also, be confident that you’re a growing person and believer.
Read Chapter 1 HERE MANAGING BOOK CHAPTER 1
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