Detecting Seasons of Marriage
My wife Janet and I have gone through decades of anniversaries plus numerous seasons of marriage.
We tend to talk about seasons in a sense of years. That is, when you first get married it’s presumed to be springtime. Then, through the years, you hit summer. Later on, after you’ve been married a long time, it’s the autumn of your relationship. And when you’re elderly, that’s winter. Some think marriage stretches from the wedding day to death through predictable seasons. That might be one good way to look at the phases of life together. But we can go through seasons in a marriage every month. Sometimes every day.
And this philosophy can apply to widows or widowers, or single parents, or dealing with various family roles and friendships too. All relationships go through seasons. Understanding this can help us be more understanding, even pro-active to strengthen our relationships with mates, children, and other loved ones.
SPRING MARRIAGE SEASONS
No matter how long you’ve been married, in a spring season everything seems new, fresh, and wonderful. You have a high energy level of achievement. Everything seems within reach.
For instance, whenever you come back from a good marriage retreat, it’s always springtime, no matter the temperature outside. You’re ready to accomplish anything.
Spring Attitude
Some special attitudes needed in springtime include love, which is easy in this season. Mates can hardly do anything wrong. We also need patience. How easy to run ahead of your mate in projects, dreams, and ideas. You’re feeling so good and strong. Everything feels exciting. You also need special wisdom when you don’t think things through carefully. It’s the best time for dreaming, a ‘what if’ time.
Spring Best and Worst
In the springtime of a relationship, everything’s possible. Ask your mate anything. “Of course, anything you want, honey, that’s great.” However, it’s probably the worst time to have a serious discussion about trying to change your mate’s behavior. Don’t spoil the wonder of everything so perfect.
It’s not a good time for making long-range, unchangeable decisions. You can envision dreams in springtime, but maybe not make the final decision. Pray it through more than one season.
All sorts of mushy things happen to show affection. You can really do no wrong. Bang the car up. Who cares? You’ll get it fixed. No problem.
Springtime Dangers
But you might forget to ask for God’s wisdom. You get so caught up in the excitement, you believe you can tackle the world. You forget to ask what God wants for you next. Study and prayer together probably will be sporadic with so many avenues to explore and things to think about. You get sidetracked and may not follow through on all the promises. In fact, you think of so many good things, you forget about the great stuff you thought about doing. But your mate may not forget. So, watch out.
You can also go overboard on trivial matters, like spending four hours rearranging food in the pantry and forget to cook dinner.
Spiritual Benefits
In the springtime season of marriage, you discover life goals and some of those hang on forever, whether about your job or family or a house you want. Or maybe you dream about a ministry, what you can accomplish together for the Lord.
You may also exhibit spontaneous acts of grace and love. You’ll wonder how your mate thought to do something. Where did that come from? And potential exists for rapid growth in knowledge of God and His greatness. You believe God can do anything.
Suggested Theme Verse
Matthew 6:33, “But seek first his kingdom and his righteousness and all these things will be added to you.”
To me, that’s an exciting, challenging, yet tempering verse. With all the great ideas and energy flow, make sure it’s right. The kind of prayer you’d pray, “Lord, may our goals and our dreams and our actions be divinely noble and bring you pleasure.”
What does summer look like in comparison?
SUMMER SEASONS OF MARRIAGE
In the summertime of a relationship, you’re swamped with things to do. You’re busy. You don’t have much time for dreaming. However, you notice good progress in your marriage, family, and other relationships, because you’ve been working hard. Sometimes in the summer some of those grand, early ideas have to be abandoned because you can’t do everything.
Summer Attitude
In the spring, rewards for effort happen quickly. In summertime, you need discipline and perseverance because everything worthwhile takes a lot of hard work. Plus, results often come more slowly than you imagine.
But also, you’ll experience real joy in daily progress, especially when working together. You draw closer through the sweat and smears. It’s the best time to rub their backs and tell them they’re the greatest. It’s the worst time to bring up earlier dreams not coming to fruition.
Summer Blessings
You may do your best work in the relationship. Summertime produces the most accomplishments. You’ll feel you’re doing important jobs or projects that bring satisfaction. You may begin to become an inseparable team. Yeah, it’s tough and hard, but you’re in it together. But dangers lurk.
Summer Dangers, Theme Verse & Prayer
You’ll tire quickly if you and your mate don’t agree on all things, like what to set aside. You’ll wonder if certain changes with faults will ever happen. You may notice a lack of results you’d like to see.
Theme verse for the summertime relationship …
Matthew 20:26,27, “Whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant. Whoever wants to be first must be your slave.”
In summertime you work like a servant and slave, but it’s worth it. You gain ground.
A prayer in summertime: “Lord, give us the energy to work hard at building our marriage and the humility to do it your way.”
AUTUMN SEASONS
In autumn, harvest comes. After much work, you see some results. Life becomes routine but that’s not all bad. You’ve developed a relational pattern, almost predictable.
In the autumn your environment can feel used, lived-in, secondhand, including you and your mate. You need an attitude of sensitivity, understanding what your mate might feel. Be a seeker of boldness because you may want to suggest some changes. Some things may obviously not be working.
More Autumn Attitudes
You’ll require openness to listen to your mate’s frustrations. This may be the best time to reevaluate goals and dreams. Perhaps go on a marriage retreat or take a mini-break, but don’t pile on, such as suggest your mate assume more duties and responsibilities.
Autumn Blessings and Dangers
You should see some success that people inside and outside the family might also note, especially if those changes take place. By this time, you can admit things you can’t do without God. Seek and recognize the Holy Spirit’s work in your family life. However, dangers include being too tired to make the effort, to do the job required in the relationship anymore. You can grow increasingly impatient with your mate. You may be so lulled by the routine that you don’t hear God’s call and mandate for change, to be different.
Autumn Theme Verse & Prayer
Matthew 18:20, “Where two or three come together in my name, there am I with them.”
When just two, such as husband and wife gather in His name, the Lord is there whenever you need Him.
A prayer might be, “Lord, help us to say the things you want us to say to each other. And give us the spiritual energy to follow through on all the things we’ve been working on and you want us to do. Help us to build up each other.”
At the end of every autumn comes winter. So it is in a marriage, a friendship, or any relationship.
WINTER SEASONS
In winter, spring seems so long ago. You can hardly remember when you felt good and strong and everything seemed fresh and new. You were so fired up. In aspects of your relationship, you seem back to square one. You’re forced to admit some failures. Some things flopped. When others encourage you to push on a little bit more, you’re thinking, this is not working.
Winter Attitude
A dose of humility helps you admit your lack of progress. Graciousness enables dealing with a mate’s continual struggles and faults. Forgiveness looms as necessary because the language of winter turns harsh, critical, and hurtful. Wintertime in a relationship is the best time for a husband and wife to slip away for a retreat by themselves to a place of privacy and possible fun.
Winter’s Blessings and Dangers
You will realize what’s really important about your marriage. Like a winter tree, you have a chance to grow strong roots together and in your relationship with the Lord. You throw yourself on His mercy, grace, and wisdom as you run out of your own strength. You may even discover your relationship holds steadier than you thought possible.
Dangers abound too. Wintertime poses the worst season to compare yourselves with other couples. The grass will most certainly look greener. You also will tend to build habits of complaint that lead to a bitter spirit. Parts of your relationship might even appear dead.
Winter’s Verse and Prayer
A theme verse for the winter of a relationship …
Matthew 19:6, “So they are no longer two but one. Therefore, what God has joined together let man not separate.”
And pray during this season, “Lord, strengthen us, protect us from the work of the evil one. And give us a renewed vision of the returning spring of our relationship.”
Here’s some things to consider as you work through an all-season relationship.
1. You’re not trapped in any one season.
One of the most heartfelt sayings from the Old West for ranchers, “Spring always comes!” No matter how hard the winter, spring always arrives. No season lasts forever.
2. All seasons benefit relationships.
Every season holds potential for benefits and spiritual blessing. And we need them all. A marriage relationship can’t always remain in spring. Nor will summertime always linger. It’s unreal to think the harvest season continues into and past winter. Each season holds a purpose.
3. Your mate may not be in your same season.
Ask some questions. Try to find out in what season they reside. If your mate is n spring and you’re in winter, you will definitely clash. One will be bouncy all the time and the other will say, “Sit down and be still. I’m too tired.”
4. Try to attain the same season.
Work to get in sync with each other. Figure out the seasons together, so you you’re more compatible and helpful to each other. Realizing this will go a long way to avert resentment. Even in a tough season, you’ll feel you’re in it together. You’ll get through this.
5. God’s love and His relationship never change.
He doesn’t love you most in your spring or summer season. He doesn’t forgive more in one season over another. His relationship with you stays the same whatever season you happen to be in right now. Don’t pray to just get out of the present season. Ask God that you’ll get all the spiritual benefit from the season you’re in now. Then, look forward to the next one.
You can experience excitement for any change of seasons in a marriage relationship. Look forward to it. You’ll find blessings in each one. Every time a season comes and goes, your marriage improves. May your all-season marriage also bring more honor and glory to the Lord. Amen and amen.
Stephen Bly
Copyright 1995
4 Seasons Trees Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
Spring Season Sign Image by No-longer-here from Pixabay
Summer Vacation Season Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
Autumn Tree Image by OpenClipart-Vectors from Pixabay
Seasons of Trees Circle Image by Marcin from Pixabay
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“An All Season Marriage” audio podcast by award-winning western author Stephen Bly. Recorded August 1995, at Christa Week, Canyon Beach Christian Conference Center, Oregon. Sponsored by BlyBooks.com Legacy Series.
“Seasons of Marriage” audio podcast by Stephen Bly. Recorded 1997, Warm Beach Camp, Stanwood, Washington.
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