EMOTIONAL MATURITY & THE PERFECT FAMILY
What was it like to be part of King Ahab’s perfect family? (See 1 Kings 21:1-6). When Ahab returned to the palace after being turned down from making a nice little vegetable garden out of Naboth’s vineyard, he slammed those big, old palace doors, and marched across to yell at the kids, “Go to your room and don’t come out until I tell you!”
Then he stormed into the bedroom and threw himself on the bed. Nobody heard from Ahab for a while. Finally, when Jezebel had the TV dinners warmed up, she called out, “Ahab, honey, it’s time to eat.”
“I don’t want to!” he replied.
So, she had to enter. “Well, now, what’s wrong with our king today?”
“I wanted a vegetable garden,” he pouted. “I wanted that vineyard right on the other side of the wall. And Naboth wouldn’t sell it to me!”
Isn’t that a little immature for a King of Israel? Has something similar ever happened at your house?
Maturing Family Relationships
You can spot immaturity in an otherwise perfect family with phrases like these . . . “He won’t let me have it!” “They refused my raise demand!” “All I want is a new pickup!” “Why can’t I have a real fur coat?” Words of immaturity.
Other phrases include “Why can’t you be like your sister? Your brother? My high school boyfriend, Harry? Tom Selleck?” Or how about “You really disappointed me when . . .” It’s important to accent the really. Or how about, “If you could do it, then I can.” “After all you’ve put me through, it’s the least you could do.” “Why do you keep doing this to me?” “Here we go again.” Guilt, guilt, guilt.
Or that great mother of all phrases, “I’d rather not talk about it, dear.”
More Family Immaturity Clues
Signs that you have less than a perfect family.
— Expect obedience without explanation.
— A quick, suspicious kind of jealousy.
— Using money as a weapon.
— Avoiding discussions on important life subjects.
Other Imperfect Family Signs
— Using Any Means to Maintain Position of Ultimate Decision Maker
— Failure to encourage creativity in family members.
— Constant reminders of past failures.
— Using sex as a weapon.
— Associate fun only with money.
— Playing one family member against the other.
— A habit of lies and deceit.
— Putting down a family member in public.
— The absolute minimum involvement possible in family chores or activities.
Growing Towards Perfect Maturity
The Bible provides examples of being mature, perfect, or complete, which can apply to individuals and families.
Matthew 19:21, “Jesus said to him (the rich, young ruler), ‘If you wish to be complete, go and sell your possessions and give to the poor, and you shall have treasure in heaven; and come, follow Me.’”
The mature family member willingly sets aside personal possessions in order to grow in spiritual knowledge. That can be children, wives, husbands and grandparents too.
Not Seeped in this World
In Romans 12:2, Paul says that we are not to “be conformed to this world.” And in 1 Corinthians 14:20, “Do not be children in your thinking; yet in evil be babes, but in your thinking be mature.” In Hebrews 5:14, one who is mature is one who senses and is trained to discern good from evil.
A mature family member who aims to be more perfect would not let the stresses of this world pressure them to contrary moral beliefs. They refuse to let that happen. Instead, they quickly discern right from wrong, good from bad, helpful from unhelpful, and spiritual from unspiritual. The mature family member can also see God working in others’ spiritual lives and encourages them to use their God-given talents, gifts, and ministries.
Tests of Maturity To Perfect a Family
In Ephesians 4:13, Paul gives three meanings of maturity: 1) unity of faith, 2) knowledge of Jesus Christ, and 3) fullness of Jesus.
A mature family member continues to grow in knowledge of the Lord. He or she grows closer to other believers, with an increase of Christian friends united in faith. And year by year improves in the likeness and qualities of Christ.
Philippians 3:13, an attitude of “forgetting what lies behind and reaching forward to what lies ahead …”
A mature family member does not live in the past, whether for glory or shame, but focuses on new goals, new relationships, new achievements and accomplishments.
More Signs of Maturity
Colossians 4:12, may you “stand perfect and fully assured in all the will of God.”
A mature family member seldom exhibits jealousy, spite, greed, revenge, or anger.
Jealousy says you’re unsure of yourself. Revenge, anger, and spite indicate you don’t think you’ll survive unless you attack back. But the one who’s confident of what God’s doing in their life finds no need for those kinds of qualities at all.
Proved Thru Tough Stuff
In James 1:2-4, you become mature and perfect through trials and testing. “And let endurance have its perfect result, that you may be perfect and complete, lacking in nothing.”
The mature family member views every struggle and tough time as an opportunity for spiritual growth. They pledge themselves to see bumps and grinds through to the end to produce God’s best. And they realize the enormous power of their words on other family members. He or she works hard to make the spoken word a positive rather than a negative force within the home.
The above signals to biblical maturity can be applied to any individual but especially to those within family relationships.
Hard to Grow Up a Perfect Family
First, try to accept whatever level of maturity or immaturity you find within your own family, including yourself. That’s your starting place.
Second, chart your own personal progress and growth. Avoid the temptation to chart those around you. It won’t improve anything. Work on yourself instead. Read through the above signs of immaturity until you find one where you need to grow, an area you could begin to work on.
Third, continually encourage and support any activity that increases family wholeness and maturity for individual members.
Fourth, consider your own and family maturity a lifetime prayer goal. You’ll always struggle to be more mature in Christ. What a surprise to find there will always be something brought to your attention.
Fifth, never give up on yourself or others because of an outburst of immaturity. It’s a curable disease. No one is stuck forever. So, keep working and praying.
How Crucial Is Maturity?
If you leave a family in its immaturity, you’re going to find a certain theme dominates almost everything you do. Things like revenge or bitterness, depression or self-centeredness, desertion and divorce, or violence take center stage. God’s Holy Spirit can do little work within those environments.
Family life that works well is going to take a) privacy, b) intimacy, and c) maturity.
Closing Prayer
“Lord, there’s a great temptation to apply this only to other people. I pray you’ll banish that from our minds. We don’t need to linger on other family member’s immaturity. We need to study our own. Help us allow you to instruct us in where our family relationships are immature, where you want us to change. And, Lord, we’ll give you the praise when we see others change, but we’ll be overjoyed to see the changes you make in our own lives. For we pray it in Jesus Name, Amen.”
Stephen Bly
COPYRIGHT 1984
Emoticoms Image by Sabine Kroschel from Pixabay
Couple Argue Image by Mustafa shehadeh from Pixabay
Smiley Love Image by Christian Dorn from Pixabay
Grow Up Image by Gerd Altmann from Pixabay
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“Growing the Perfect Family” audio podcast by award-winning western author Stephen Bly. The importance of and steps to emotional maturity for family relationships. Recorded at Fillmore Bible Church, Fillmore, California, 1984. Sponsored by BlyBooks.com Legacy Series.
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Shayari: Thanks so much for your note! Blessings, Janet