WHAT TO DO WHEN THOSE YOU LOVE FACE BAD TIMES
First, stand by loved ones in their bad times. “There is a friend who sticks closer than a brother” (Proverbs 18:24).
Bad times can make introverts out of outgoing personalities. It’s easy to feel resentful. More than ever, they need someone on their side. Even if the difficulty resulted from their own foolish actions, if possible, stay with them. For a spouse, this is part of the “worse” pledged at the altar.
Second, practice being a kind listener. “But let everyone be quick to hear, slow to speak, and slow to anger,” James advises (1:19).
A horrible example of what not to do: Job’s friends. There’s a time to talk, and a time to listen. At the point when the weight of their bad times seems about to crush them, just listen … with your ears, your heart, and your mind. Grasp all their words, what they imply, and discern what lies hidden within. Plan long lunches, late nights, early mornings. Turn off the TV. Put down the book. Cancel the golf game and give them your full attention.
Third, continue to show love. “A friend loves at all times” (Proverbs 17:17).
Love them when they’ve failed. Demonstrate love no matter how enormous the difficulty ahead might be. Even when others think they know all about who’s at fault, greet them in public with an open hug. Do those loving actions you know will mean the most to them.
Fourth, seek God’s counsel together. “As for you, you meant evil against me, but God meant it for good” (Genesis 50:20).
The Lord majors in thwarting evil by accomplishing His ultimate purposes, in spite of it, and through it. No matter the cause or how serious the failure, He’s able to turn it around. But the happy ending to the story comes for those who seek His help and guidance.
If your loved one is too overwhelmed by this bad time, sit or stand or kneel alongside them. You do the praying. Remind them they can’t survive these tough challenges without God’s help.
MORE SUGGESTED ACTIONS FOR BAD TIMES
Fifth, help them face responsibility. “Faithful are the wounds of a friend” (Proverbs 27:6).
Show them, beyond doubt, you’re on their side. Then allow them, when they’re ready, to admit personal failure. Sometimes friends must provoke corrections. That can hurt. But it’s like the pain of the antiseptic in an injury. After the pain comes healing. Even so, effective correction requires special sensitivity.
“Restore such a one in a spirit of gentleness; each one looking to yourself, lest you too be tempted” (Galatians 6:1).
Some circumstances are so unbearable that it may require weeks, months, years to confess the whole story. Don’t take them off the hook, but allow them to work at their own pace.
Sixth, review with them God’s past faithfulness, provisions, and blessings.
Not everything has been bad. There were good days and maybe years. Some things have gone right. Enjoy the loving memories and wonderful surprises, and re-live special events. The writer of Psalm 73 suffered this same temporary short-sightedness. He plodded through some difficulties, while the ungodly around him seemed to take life easy. “Unfair!” he cried.
“When I pondered to understand this, it was troublesome in my sight, until I came into the sanctuary of God. Then I perceived their end” (Psalm 73:16,17).
When he grasped the long-range view of life, his heart and mind quieted in understanding. For your loved ones, help them remember the same God who provided blessings in the past can be counted on now too.
Seventh, brainstorm together new goals and dreams.
Unexpected situations may crush certain plans made. A severely injured leg means she’ll never play tennis again. Getting fired from the job prevents becoming executive vice-president. A devastating loss of income eliminates owning the house on the hill. But there are other goals and dreams to follow. Even spiritually motivated projects can be taken from us. Look for new opportunities.
GIVE GOD TIME
Eighth, allow God time to work His best result.
One thing common to us all concerning bad times: we want them over in a hurry. If there’s a lesson to be learned, “Let me figure it out fast,” we say. But some things take time to assess. God told Paul, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness” (2 Corinthians 12:9).
But that insight surfaced only after much pleading, praying, and questioning on Paul’s part. A tough lesson for someone in constant pain. Many of life’s worst times have no easy quick-fix solutions or explanations.
ROD’S BAD TIMES STORY
Our friend, Rod, owned a nice western wear store a few miles down the road from the city. Kind of a “mom and pop” operation, he employed a couple longtime employees. Then Rod got a chance to move up to the big time. A huge shopping center opened downtown in the high rent district. A businessman Rod knew for years wanted him to partner a new store in the mall.
Rod jumped at the chance. The kids were in high school and soon they’d owe college bills, weddings, and all that. After several delays and countless trips to the bankers, attorneys, and accountants, they signed a wagon load of documents.
After a rush in sales in the first two weeks, the business began to flounder. Rod soon ran out of clientele interested in boots and cowboy hats. But the daily stress of overhead and inventory remained as his partner continued to wheel and deal. He secured another sizable loan from the bank, and assured Rod the Christmas season would get them in the black.
When that didn’t happen, Rod’s partner decided to live in the south Pacific supported by most of the bank loan. A few months later the new store folded. And Rod’s original store and spacious five-bedroom ranch house were taken over by the lending institution.
Devastated, Rod blamed himself. “I was too greedy for gain to investigate this guy more,” he admitted. Now, Rod, Nancy, and the kids live in an apartment as he works as a clerk for a hardware store. Nancy keeps books for an insurance company. If their oldest finds a part-time job, he’ll attend the local community junior college.
For those who watched them from a distance, a glowing inspiration remains out of it all. Nancy lets everyone know she still thinks Rod is the greatest guy on earth. She initiates social activities with their friends and tags along with him as they bounce from attorneys to courtrooms to criminal investigations. She’s by his side at basketball games, church meetings, and at the supermarket. Rod may have lost most everything else in the world, but he still has his best friend.
CONCLUSION
Bad times will come. But no one should face them alone. The message of the incarnation is Emmanuel, God is with us! Remember Jesus’ words, “In the world you have tribulation, but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world!”
Hallelujah! Amen & Amen.
STEPHEN BLY
Circa 1990
Support Group Women Image by Natalia Lavrinenko from Pixabay
Hands Praying Image by congerdesign from Pixabay
Western Wear Store Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay
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FAITH ADVENTURE “When Bad Things Happen to Those You Love” audio podcast by award-winning western author Stephen Bly. Sponsored by BlyBooks.com Legacy Series.
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