Keys to Family Intimacy
According to surveys over the decades, materialism, inattentive parents, and a lack of spiritual foundations in the home rank as the biggest threats to family life. I maintain that each of those three threats can be dealt with by strengthening family intimacy. A need for intimacy is at the core of all the major problems that face most families.
5 Enemies of Family Intimacy
Electronic Devices
The biggest enemy of intimacy in family in most homes is TV and other electronic devices. One mother said, “I don’t know anything about life after death. I’m not even sure there’s life after supper.” Another mom found out the two most common used phrases in her household: “What’s on?” and “Move over!”
Missed Meals
Eating is a very personal experience which can provide intimacy when shared with others. It can draw you more closely together. You know that with your friends. When you invite someone to your table, you feel closer from then on. You’ve shared a part of your private life with them.
Uncomfortable Living Rooms
Aim for enough seating in comfy chairs, rather than a formal room that no one would dare sit in and relax. Uncomfortable can also be the attitude or atmosphere. When private rooms become the most cozy places in the house, people gravitate to them rather than being together.
Skipped Vacations
Whether short or long, when they’re offered or promised and skipped, the potential dies for building closeness as well as trust. When was he last time you all got together and did something you thoroughly enjoyed?
Activities together begin traditions unique to your family, some things only you do, as far as you know. Your own family stories, your phrases and jokes that you use often taken from family life happenings.
Uncontrollable Schedules
People versus projects vie for priority at times. Some schedules push you around at will. “I have to go.” “I have to do it.” Determine when family rates first and stand against it. Within the last month, did you work alongside a family member to accomplish an important task? Perhaps you painted a wall or replanted the garden.
What should family life be like? Here are some examples.
SIGNS OF BIBLICAL FAMILY INTIMACY
First, your brother’s keeper.
Genesis 4:9, “Then the Lord said to Cain, ‘Where is Abel your brother?’ He said, ‘I do not know; am I my brother’s keeper?’” And God said, “You sure are. Where is he?”
You can understand that in parenting. You have a responsibility for your children, to know where they are. And as adults, there comes a time when you realize you’re responsible for your parents. Later in life, you begin to take care of them, as they once took care of you. But do you consider that you’re also responsible for your siblings and others in your family unit?
Second, a long-term commitment.
Ruth 1:16,17, “But Ruth said, ‘Do not urge me to leave you or to return from following you; for where you go I will go, and where you lodge I will lodge; your people shall be my people, and your God my God; where you die I will die, and there will I be buried. May the Lord do so to me and worse if even death parts me from you.’”
The caring relationship of Ruth and Naomi will last until one of them dies. That’s the bond of this mother-in-law and daughter-in-law. What a model of strong family commitment.
Some years after Joseph had been abandoned and sold into slavery by his family, and after all his struggles in Egypt, suddenly he was confronted by his brothers again. They worried about what he was going to do to them by way of vengeance. However, in tears he reassures them his caring and affection had not ended because of what they’ve done to him. Nor will it end when their father dies. The commitment will last a lifetime.
Third, open-eyed forgiveness.
Luke 15:20, “And he arose and came to his father. But while he was yet at a distance, his father saw him and had compassion, and ran and embraced him and kissed him.”
Open-eyed forgiveness provides the environment for confession. In the story of the prodigal the son didn’t have a chance to confess to his father before forgiveness. But after his father embraced him and welcomed him, then he came clean. “I’ve been doing things wrong, and I don’t deserve to be your son.”
There was no, “Well, you haven’t done anything. You’re perfect.” This forgiveness said, “I know exactly what you’ve done and who you are and I forgive anyway.”
Jacob left the Promised Land after he’d gotten into an argument with his brother Esau. He had stolen his birthright and blessing. It was too difficult to stay with his life endangered. But some years later, he returns with great anxiety about his relationship with Esau. What’s going to happen when he first sees his brother?
He sends his families and possessions ahead of the initial meeting, then finally Jacob arrives. To his surprise, Esau runs up and embraces him, weeps on his shoulder, and welcomes him back. Open-eyed forgiveness, not only between parent and child, but siblings too.
Fourth, transmission of spiritual truth.
Proverbs 6:20-22, “Observe the commandments of your father, and forsake not your mother’s teaching. Bind them continually on your heart. Tie them around your neck. When you walk about, they will guide you. When you sleep, they will watch over you. And when you’re awake, they will talk to you.”
Spiritual truth remembered most is the audible and visual truth your family hears from your lips and sees in your life. You need to see your life as a transmitter of spiritual truth.
Fifth, unwavering prayer for every family member.
“And it came about when the days of feasting had been completed that Job consecrated them (his children). Rising up early in the morning and offering burnt offerings according to the number of them all. Job said, ‘Perhaps my sons have sinned and cursed God in their hearts.’ Thus Job did continually.”
Parents should pray for children, not just when they’re little, but throughout their lives, no matter how old they might be. And children can pray for parents, no matter their age.
How to Start Building Family Intimacy
Here are some sug
gestions.
TV Issues
You could turn it off completely in order to make it a goal to spend at least thirty minutes per day talking with members of your household.
Day Share
Walk in the shoes of other family members. Go to work or school with them. Witness where they spend so much of their time. Or let them join in with your day.
The next best thing is to go through a blow-by-blow description of a day’s activities. Listen to tales of traffic on the freeway or what the boss said or what was eaten for lunch. Who are the other people in their world and yours? Share your day.
Develop a Family Hobby
Search for some way to begin a family hobby. Find something you all enjoy doing together, whether it’s pitching horseshoes or polishing rocks or whatever. Develop that family companionship.
Help Family Members Succeed
Make it an aim to attend the functions of other family members. Go to ballgames, recitals, the open house, or any other activity important to them. Pledge to volunteer to come alongside. There is a sense of accomplishment in making another family member look good, of being on their support team.
In the same vein, make it a major offence to put down another member of the family unit, whether it’s brother and sister, husband and wife. No dissing allowed. Make it your mantra, “What can I do to help you?”
Initiate Spiritual Conversations
That’s not just mom’s responsibility or dad’s job. It’s for the whole family. Each individual member of the family struggles with their own faith journey. And the family aids in growing spiritually when all are free to ask spiritual questions, seek moral advice, encouraged to be honest about doubts and offering searching input. No one should feel threatened, especially if they fear they don’t know very much. Anyone can initiate spiritual conversation.
There are certainly other ways to initiate intimacy in your family’s life. Perhaps this article sparked a few for you. Any family can grow and be strengthened, whether it shows signs of being in trouble or seems very healthy, simply by the warmth and familiarity of building family intimacy.
Stephen Bly
Copyright 1984
Family Picnic Image by Augusto Ordóñez from Pixabay
Family Vacation Image by Clker-Free-Vector-Images from Pixabay
Cross in Clouds Image by Jeff Jacobs from Pixabay
Prodigal Son Image by CCXpistiavos from Pixabay
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“Family Intimacy” audio podcast by award-winning western author Stephen Bly. Recorded at Fillmore Bible Church, Fillmore, California, 1984. Sponsored by BlyBooks.com Legacy Series.
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