What Empty Nest? Parenting Adult Children by Stephen Bly
Sometime between the ages of 18 and 20, our kids challenge us with a dramatic turn of events in our parenting. Like an eaglet stumbling from the aerie on its first flight, our child appears as a fully grown adult. Ready to take his or her plunge into society. We enter the world of our own solo flight: parenting adult children.
Or not.
The nest can seem more than full at times. It’s crowded.
The crowded nest is only one of the dilemmas that confront those of us parenting adult children. Whether our adult children live at home, across town, or across the country, we parents fill a unique role in their lives. We are still in some part of the process of parenting.
William Saroyan entitled one of his last books Sons Come & Go, Mothers Hang in Forever. He’s right. Our roles change and vary with age and circumstances. But we remain parents. Our job is never done.
Since time began, moms and dads have been parenting adult children. But it’s only been the past 50 years that it’s been seen as a “problem.”
Six problems to anticipate when parenting adult children means they return home:
1. Arguments.
“Because I’m the mother, and I say so, that’s why!” doesn’t work anymore.
2. Increased need for privacy.
Big people take up more space than little people.
3. Continuing sibling rivalry.
Cain and Able weren’t ratty little 10-year-olds when their disagreement led to Abel’s murder.
4. Disagreement over finances.
More people cost more.
5. Extra tension between Mom and Dad.
In general, fathers may see resident adult children as some sort of failure. Mothers could view them as kids who still need mothering.
6. More serious strain in households with returning stepchildren or in single-parent households.
For many, the early years of conflict with stepchildren can be tolerated because parents hope for eventual relief. When stepchildren reach the age to seek an independent residence.
How can you still love and support your adult children … in all the right ways? Lots of advice in parenting adult children in two Bly books at the Bly Books bookstore … Once A Parent, Always A Parent/How to Love and Support Your Adult Children by Stephen Bly and Help! My Adult Child Won’t Leave Home, both by Stephen Bly
Find these parenting adult children books here BLY PARENTING BOOKS
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Links for mothers who have kids of any age
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